You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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