The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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