So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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