that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
