Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
