i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
