hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
