and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They took my balls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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