Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
