girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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