I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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