those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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