Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
