I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
