y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
