Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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