one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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