these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
