I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
