Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You've changed since you got that strap on
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