We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize