after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
