Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
