So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
