Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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