batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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