just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
