I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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