I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
