I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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