I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
