she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
