well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
