I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
