when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
