Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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