Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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