I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
