We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
