someone get that fucking seahorse.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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