I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
