I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
