I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
