you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
