This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Life is so much better after having sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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