i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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