you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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