he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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