I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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