I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
