Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's like iHOP with fire
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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