why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
