So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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