How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
