hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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