I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
