I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
