Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
