I want to make a zoo with you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
