i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
