Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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