Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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