We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
