So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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