Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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