I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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