There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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